Girls & Sex: Peggy Orenstein

Okay I loved this book. I had picked up this book at the thrift store because it had a pretty cover haha. When I was going through my mini library of books I came across this one and read the intro and became really interested. I think one of the main reasons is because I have been thinking more and more about having children and while I don't even have a kid yet let alone a preteen or teenager this book was very fascinating. The author interviewed over 70 girls that were either in high school or college about todays world when it comes to sex. The book was divided into different sections that focused on one-five girls depending on the theme of the section. 

There was chapter on social media and how girls portray themselves and why they portray themselves a certain way and how they feel about sexting and sending nudes and what they get out of these exchanges. Another chapter focused on rape and sexual assault and the statistics of these cases within a new generation and how rape is defined and alcohol related use and why teenagers use alcohol a lot when in sexual encounters etc. There was a section on purity balls, conservative culture around sex, and abstinence only education. Plus a lot more..

My biggest take away was that were needs to be more education and knowledge surrounding female pleasure. A lot of the girls interviewed said that they felt satisfied if they partner was satisfied even if they didn't get any physical pleasure like an orgasm. Also in most of these cases these girls weren't with a long term partner it was a one time hook-up situation so why would this girl be satisfied if she isn't get physical pleasure or real emotion/mental pleasure from this partner. We need to teach girls about pleasure. The book states other European countries that teach about female pleasure, orgasms, and the clitoris in sexual education that the teenage girls from these countries actually abstain from sex longer, have less STDs and pregnancies and have more meaningful relationships. We also need to make sure girls can and know how to set boundaries for themselves. Some girls were saying that some sexual encounters for them weren't pleasurable but they did it because everyone was doing it or they gave a guy a blow-job so that way they didn't have to have intercourse. In NO SITUATION should you be giving a blow-job if you don't really want to. 

Super interesting book. One I will definitely keep. I am only 26 so a lot of this stuff was around when I was a teenager I remember girls sending nude videos and pictures to guys and those getting passed around and I remember the party scene. It makes me thankful that I never got too caught up in any of that in school and makes me really hope I can raise a daughter that can do what she wants and also not do what she doesn't want. I want her to have good information about sex and pleasure so she can have satisfying sexual experiences. Because teenage girls will have sexual experiences and according to this book most are not satisfying for the girls. Lots of girls described them as "awkward" so why are they participating. It is a cultural thing, there is pressure, and also not wanting to be stigmatized as a slut or a prude etc. 

Anyways great book. Would recommend.
love, Carlee

Favorite Quotes: 

Absence of pain is a pretty low bar for your own physical fulfillment.

I don't think I'll set lines for myself anymore because I'll be disappointed when I cross them. I have to trust myself to know what feels good and natural and what doesn't. 

Any good lover is a good listener. And a bad listener is at best a bad lover and at worst a rapist.